Bridging the divide: Honour & Respect

Julian Hong

– September 3, 2009Posted in: Uncategorized

2 weeks ago marked the start of the holy month of Ramadan, in which Muslims all over the world start their fast. This is the month in which the first verses of the Qur’an were revealed.

I managed to catch a speech by President Obama in which he addressed the Muslim world and wished them a blessed holy month of Ramadan. I was most impressed with this gesture of reconciliation as it was his second gesture after his maiden speech in Cairo to the Muslim world.

I remember during the Bush administration, they tried to no avail in winning the war on terror. Furthermore their campaign to win the hearts and minds of the citizens both in Iraq and Afghanistan gleaned limited success.

picture-1

This has been a huge contrast in approaches for bridging the divide, and it set me thinking about the divide in Singapore. Specifically the age divide.

During my free time, i have been catching Korean drama serials to de-stress, and one of the things that struck me was the culture of honour and respect exemplified in the way they related to their superiors or seniors. This portrayal through body language, actions such as bowing and even formal and informal language in the Korean language really impressed me.

I am saddened when i have my meals at hawker centers and i see the elderly clearing up the plates or peddling packets of tissue. Although some do it by choice rather than need, the thought of their children being too busy to care for or about them breaks my heart.

Perhaps this is the reason why couples dont want to have children, perhaps they are afraid the same plight may befall them whence they get old. Why is there such a stark chasm in between the respect and honour given to a younger person (simply because they are more productive at work?) compared to the old?

Instead of investing so much in having baby bonuses or active aging, why not we channel some of these funds into inculcating this culture of honour and respect back into the roots of our society?

I found out that after spending time with my grandmother this holidays, not only did she feel appreciated and loved, she was able to pass on her wealth of experience and knowledge, successes and failures on to me as well. Such acts through honouring and respecting the old gives them a sense of purpose and belonging as well.

I feel that such a integrative approach where the generations join hands deals with many issues our country is facing. It is a worthy investment, rather than alleviate the symptoms or so we say treat the sneeze when it happens (healthcare, aged homes, living off the streets, lack of babies, public assistance) why not treat the root and prevent any deterioration?

Yes its true there might other differentials when looking at this and perhaps this is just one of the many possible roots, but i strongly feel that this culture of giving respect and honour where it is due and sometimes not due will transcend both family and even workplace.

The fruits of this planted seed will be something we will enjoy when we grow old and our children will benefit from in society. And like every seed sown, constant watering and taking care of the plant is essential.

Mahatma Ghandi said, “A nation’s greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” I propose that this value of honour and respect is the key to bridging the gap in our society. The key to a more effective and productive workforce, the key to families wanting to have more children, the key to our old being taken care off and many other tangible benefits.

What say you?

About the Author

Julian is a student currently studying in the UK. At the age of 3, he came close to death due to a life threatening disease. Thankful for his second chance, Julian believes in making a positive difference with whatever he has been blessed with through various community opportunities both in Singapore and abroad. Someone who believes in the motto, "To heal sometimes, to relieve often but to comfort Always", he hope to share his musings and observations of daily life as a Singaporean student in the UK (:

Xue En

One thing I've been hearing very often at my office is, "The truth is, children make you miserable!" But I guess, it's up to us to disprove that notion of my extremely cynical boss. HI JULES!
rodolfo

This idea of honour and respect seems to be lacking in bankers. There should be a thread on how to foster honour and respect in bankers and other finance industry people.
luvmibiz

Some are good managers.....most are good people...
sgcynic

J, i'm interested to hear your opinions as to what they have done well, in particular, non-economic aspects?
J

It is interesting how we point out all the flaws of something. Is it possible to point out the things they have done well? I am just curious to see the other side of the picture.
sgcynic

Johnny:
"If I have to draw a conclusion, it would seem you look like someone who has an issue with PAP and what they have done to Singapore which also means dislike the Singapore today since this PAP has been running the country."

In this instance, your tirade sounds just like the PAP: if you don't vote for me, you're against upgrading for your estate. Can't we vote against PAP because we're against some other policies, or against its high-handedness, condescending tone, lack of accountability and transparency, lack of faith in the current crop of politicians mettle? If we have an issue with PAP, it does not mean with a broad stroke of the brush, we "dislike the Singapore today" (whatever that means). It does mean for me, that I dislike "dislike the Singapore today" where

1. an apology by our Home Affairs minister is viewed as not an apology (Mas Selamat escape)
2. lack of objectivity in independent investigations (the Home Affairs minister exonerating the ISD chief even while "independent" investigations are still ongoing
3. perceived incompetence on the part of the Home Team in handing the news flow over the Mas Selamat fiasco
4. lack of transparency and accountability over losses at Temasek Holdings and the GIC
5. lack of accountabilty and responsibility by Lee Bee Wah who simply refuse to account for her unprofessional remarks over Liu Guodong.

To cut the chase short, we simply dislike the way the PAP is running the country today.
luvmibiz

Johnny, sound unhappy with you because you're from the system???? Not really. Please don't jump to conclusion again....

If I'm not happy with PAP, I wouldn't be using Goh KS. Is he not from PAP as well? Well, 2 different economic situations and environment, but just tell me which is tougher? You can't possibly create a situation where you could compare "apple to apple", you'll have to make do with comparing "orange and grapefruit". Can't pluck numbers from the sky, just have to make an intelligent guess....And intelligent guess would probably tell you comparing civil servants' pay with private sector's pay is non-sensical.....You want a benchmark? How about comparing apple with apple and peg the pays to civil servants' pays of major govts around the world? Isn't that more justifiable?

Show us all what the system has taught you......don't defend for the sake of defending.....give us a good rebut....
Johnny

luvmibiz, quote 'If you ask the current voters, 8 out of 10 would probably say that the current leaders have done a shitty job compared with the Goh KS era.' I am objective on this subject and i find this is a bit of a stretch. Firstly, not apple for apple comparison. Two different economonic situation and environment. Secondly, there is no basis to your numbers. Can't just pluck from the sky lah, it is a bit like cutting corners. No good. Your other views on benchmark is of the same thinking process as above, there is no necessity for me to respond. If I have to draw a conclusion, it would seem you look like someone who has an issue with PAP and what they have done to Singapore which also means dislike the Singapore today since this PAP has been running the country. I am from the post 65 era and fromthis system they build. No wonder you sound unhappy with me haha
luvmibiz

Johnny, do you mean to say that the Singapore leaders have done a better job than Obama? It's easy to ride on what the previous generation of Singapore leaders had done to justify the current generation's humongous pay raise. If you ask the current voters, 8 out of 10 would probably say that the current leaders have done a shitty job compared with the Goh KS era. The current leaders' argument that high pay equates to great performance is flawed. A good example is the Wall Street mafias who bankrupted their own financial institutions. Were they not paid millions? Some of them are retired rich, and others accepted jobs in competitors who survived. Many of the lower management and or executives who didn't get the fat paychecks are still out of job. The current Obama Administration and the EU are planning to stop the splurging of bonuses by the big banks....are they doing this out of jealousy, as you have conveniently insinuated? Not paying them at all????? It's funny how you jump to the same conclusion when we ask for a more justified pay.....Reminds me of Seng HT who challenged Low TK to stop employing foreign labors when he requested Govt to regulate the no. of foreign labors. Is there no in-between for you guys? We are asking for a reasonable pay, not an obscene figure and definitely not ZERO.....Get it? A good benchmark???? If you invest in Emerging markets, your benchmark could be the MSCI Emerging Markets Index.... When you pay the civil servants, your benchmark becomes the private sector CEOs' pay??????
sgcynic

It would be great if a leader is charismatic. But first, he has to lead, not disappear when he is needed to take charge.

Julian's reply: Hey sgcynic, i think what made Obama successful was his impersonal approach. He shared his story with the world and his heritage, and there were many points where people were able to connect with him. I think the problem perhaps is presence and opportunities to interact and understand. Facebook is one such tool that has helped understand the things that leaders do. I think it is challenging to find people who are both great managers and people engagers. Most of the time, they are great managers. To find someone which fits both categories is not easy, hence perhaps our PM's predicament in finding his successor.
SingaShadow

Income gap -- Because higher income groups can exploit more economic opportunities, we may have to accept that as the economy advances, income gap widens as well. Yes, the government is (partly or largely, whatever you believe) responsible for economic development, but we have to ask ourselves if it's meaningful to also blame them for widening the gap.

Low wage senior citizens -- Yes, it's painstaking to see them slog for so little. It's hard to say what are the real reasons -- whether it's due to a breakdown of social duties, or widening income divide, or highly specific circumstances -- and how much each factor contributes. I don't know. We need to research on real data (see my comments to Aug 31st article on "Pursuing Your Dreams").

Lack of charisma -- I think this is due to two main reasons.

(a) Although our literacy level is considered high (by number of years of education), our command of language and communication still falls much behind the USA. One can easily tell that from the stylistic difference between the newspapers, the online responses from the populace, and what interests readers most. In our culture, to communicate is merely to inform, not inspire.

(b) The PAP has been governing as a technocrat, and the work force has had a feudalistic mindset. The economy ticks with clockwork precision and is optimized for maximum efficiency because people needed higher paying jobs, not a sweet voice. And the Darwinian tide washes out the need for charismatic leaders.

Do the people want charismatic leaders now? I'm not entirely sure. But without all the rants, I would be more convinced. Charisma inspires, not pacifies.

Julian's reply: Hi Singashadow, i agree with you as i was sharing with sgcynic that leadership renewal is something very challenging in this day and age. People expect so much more of their leaders now. People with the right character, best competence and most importantly the compassion. And as lousia shared, not many people are willing to make such a sacrifice to serve this country. Time with family, privacy, public unhappiness all are negative contributing factors to this decision.

Sadly, economic incentives have been the forefront motivation for alot of Singaporeans. But perhaps the way forward is a collective effort to believe in making a positive difference in the lives of one another no matter how small. To show honour and respect to even the most rejected people of society.

And perhaps one day when my kids grow up, they will be able to understand and believe in this famous quote by the late John F Kennedy- ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.
sgcynic

Hi Julian,
I do not think Mr Siew main thrust is whether our leaders’ salaries are justfied compared to what they could have earned in the private sector. I leave discerning readers to form their own views.

I do like his view that political leaders do more than just run Singapore. They lead Singapore. Sadly, leadership seems absent at the highest rank in several episodes since the last election.
Louisa

If we are to adopt a bottom-up approach, it might actually be beneficial for us to call upon the general public to contribute in some way instead of simply relying on grassroots etc. Say, for example, I do believe competitions would be an encouragement for Singaporeans to reflect on the way society is evolving, not to mention that this itself could be a way to promote the growing arts scene in Singapore and reach out to local audiences. So instead of having to allocate more funds towards this, we have faith in the people to step up to the challenge?

I think the community centres around Singapore have actually been offering courses that appeal to a wide range of people, so it might be a good place to start to reach out to everyone by raising awareness about the existence of these courses and perhaps initiate collaboration with others to offer more programs. I'm doubtful about impact MOE could have by attempting to integrate values back into the curriculum. Being a student that still has to take CME lessons, I find that these lessons are generally convenient time slots for my classmates to sleep. It's not that students don't already know, it's just that quite a number of us take it for granted. The idea of strongly integrating values into the curriculum would be tricky, considering that values cannot just be taught in school when other experiences (particularly those regarding family) would greatly influence us. Just a note, service learning is generally regarded as a necessity just so that students gain CIP hours to ensure that their CCA report isn't too shabby. However, it might open the minds of those encouraged to serve the community and perhaps lead to the understanding that there is a need to take the needs of others into account.

At the moment, I cannot think of any leaders in Singapore taking the lead to encourage the rest. It baffles me to note that they might find the current situation worrying even though I never see them do anything about it with their own families. I do, however, respect their privacy, which could be a reason why not many are doing so.

Julian's reply: Hi louisa, i have never had a hand in formulating policies and perhaps will never know its intricacies. But i do know sometimes they can be ineffective and end up as red tape. Even though with good intentions, the outcomes are not always as desired.

I agree with you that CIP has been viewed upon as a "chore" rather than making a positive difference. But we cannot discount the fact that even out of 10 or 100 students, if one student gets an epiphany on making a positive difference through his or her contribution, then the CIP opportunity would have been worth it.

When i mentioned grassroots, i didnt mean the RCs and what not but rather from the ground. I liked how Obama mobilized the people in the states during his campaign with great effect to make a positive difference. That is why my paradigm for a successful and positive change is that it has to come top down and bottom up. The bottom up approach is really tricky as everyone is busy with their own endeavours.

Being able to personally carry this out would be a great start, i.e in our time spent with people, we can portray this respect and honour. And in time with more people catching it, hopefully my wish is that it can permeate society.
sgcynic

Johnny, pls read ex-NMP Siew Kum Hong's speech for his perspective on the benchmark that is used presently.

http://siewkumhong.blogspot.co...

Julian's reply: Hi Johnny, Luvmibiz and Sgcynic, thank you for your views. I personally agree with ex-NMP Mr Siew's agreement that our leaders' salaries are justfied or is not enough compared to what they could have earned in the private sector. I guess we have leaders that have a plethora of strengths, some are good managers, some are great communicators with the ground as well. Although Obama's charisma is addictive, it remains to be seen how strong his administration is. Perhaps if we get a peek into our ministers' lives (i.e our foreign minister George Yeo on facebook), we can better appreciate their efforts and perhaps take a different view on what they should be getting.
Johnny

luvmibiz, it is what the leader has done not just charm that matters, isn't it ? Is it out of jealousy to see others getting more, better or becoming more successful ? If these leaders are paid more, does it mean they do not have the right values ? I think they should be paid what they deserve or we are expecting them not to be paid at all ? If not, what is a good benchmark ?
luvmibiz

Obama has charisma. I wish our leaders are half as good.

You're right we have to solve the problem of age divide. Most importantly, we have to have the right values. Right values don't just appear, they are taught by the right leaders. If our leaders are willing to give up at least 30% of their stable pay to fund the whatever scheme to inculcate the right values to the population, I'm sure the rest will follow.
HK Lim

Julian, I like your honest straightforard statement of the issue. Do you think that young Singaporeans have too many obligations to take care of their parents? Cost of living is so high many expect their parents to give them money. I agree it is wrong, but what can we do?

Julian's reply: Hi HK Lim, i think it is in Chinese culture that giving money to parents is a form of respect. Interestingly in UK or USA, kids move out when they enter uni and after that get married at 20+. I think as tough as circumstances may be, we all have to try. Being grateful has to start somewhere. By shifting the focus to family first, taking care of parents would not be an obligation but rather because of this seed of honour and respect planted, it becomes natural. I remember in primary school I had classes on civics and moral educations and one of the themes was filial piety. This seed planted is something i remember till now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
sgcynic

If Temasek Holdings had not lost tens of billions (exact amount secret) in "long term investments" (realised only over a few months), there would have more than sufficient resources to "balance".
Louisa

I think the problem lies in how we can actually inculcate this culture back into society when an entire generation has already been affected. I view this as a personal issue between the generations, it certainly took a big incident within my family before I realised how much my only grandmother meant to me, and how there is more to her than the woman with grey hair.

Do you have any suggestions regarding the approach that can be taken? I find it easy to say something more needs to be done, but have no real answer as to what could be done to improve on the situation. I have a thought that we could focus on our like for food and encourage the first generation to pass down their knowledge and use it as a form of bonding, but even then, it's not something that can be enforced. I personally think a number of us need to move away from the impression that the elderly are a liability in our society. But psh, how, is still the question.

Julian's reply: Hi Louisa, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you that inculcating this culture back into our society is possible and neccessary. The most effective way i believe will have to come from both the bottom up approach, (i.e the grassroots and man on the ground championing this) and the top down approach, (changes at ministry level)

As Ser Luck shared, balancing this is challenging especially with constrained budgets already allocated. Dollars and sense after all is a tricky affair.

I personally think that this is something that should be done across ministries. I.e inter ministerial collaboration between MCYS (championing of more programs such as your suggestion about food with stronger incentives that foster r/s between Youth, Community and the old), MOE (to inculcate such values strongly back in the curriculum, promotion of more service learning), MICA (perhaps to have strong publicity campaign on all fronts of media), MOM and the Labour Union (more family based events for young and old maybe something mandatory).

Of course for such an initiative to take flight, having role models or leaders that know, show and walk the way is important. Will this be easy? I dont think so, but it is definitely possible and necessary
Ser Luck

Agreed with Julian. There is room for improvement. The government is also doing its best to provide and not dilute that sense of self-reliance. Not easy to balance at times.
sgcynic

“A nation’s greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” Indeed. How great is Singapore? What say you?

Julian's reply: Hey sgcynic, I am definitely saddened as i shared. Where we are now, there is room for improvement and i guess this is something each of us can easily partake in for the positive change in Singapore (:
Allen Taylor

Nice writing. You are on my RSS reader now so I can read more from you down the road.

Allen Taylor

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Bridging the divide: Honour & Respect

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